Porsche Cayenne

I just can’t help copying the whole thing from Top Gear. It certainly deserves chipping on the notice board forever

—————————————————Review from Top Gear ————————————————————————————-

‘The Cayenne is simply unforgivable. It’s sinfully ugly for starters, and has given West London’s top tossers something to aspire to.’

Our verdict

Testament to the compelling business case for the SUV, the Porsche Cayenne is a ghastly diversion from the Porsche purist path that has made the company so much money it’s never looked back. Ugly, expensive, pointless… and everywhere.

Comfort

It goes without saying that the Cayenne is the lap of luxury. For an SUV with such a turn of speed and relative composure in the corners it’s amazing how well it rides. Engine and wind noise are also nothing to worry about.

13 out of 20

Performance

Depending on the varying levels of your wealth and lack of self-respect it is possible to have a quick, very quick or absurdly quick Cayenne. The 4.8-litre Turbo will hit 62mph in 5.1 seconds and keep at it until 171mph. But the world will hate you.

19 out of 20

Cool

No-one likes a sanctimonious lefty, but if someone gobs on the windscreen of your Cayenne Turbo S you can rightly reason you had it coming. Caveat Emptor.

8 out of 20

Quality

Definitely not going to fall apart in your hands this, but some bits and bobs in the Cayenne feel a little VW parts bin compared to a proper 911, and it’s no match for the luxury of a Range Rover.

13 out of 20

Handling

It may be a full-size SUV, but Porsche went to a hell of a lot of trouble in the protracted development of the Cayenne to ensure it handled like a car. And it does, although more like a big, quite shit one you keep thinking you might crash.

14 out of 20

Practicality

Our only criticism here is that for such a big car we’d have hoped for a bit more rear legroom. Nonetheless, it’s big by any standards and naturally vast for a Porsche.

13 out of 20

Running costs

How does 18mpg sound? That’s Porsche’s own best figure for the Cayenne GTS on a combined cycle, so you can imagine what the reality would be like, especially if you drove it as hard as they want you to.

10 out of 20

TG Tips

What are you lacking in your life that makes you think you need a Cayenne? Go get some counselling.


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One thought on “Porsche Cayenne

  1. Re:Your last line:
    No one “needs” a Cayenne, dummy.
    No one “needs” the tenth beer on a Friday night, and no one “needs” to shag a different lady every weekend,… just want to and can (well maybe not “can” on the shagging part :|) By the way, my Range Rover is in the shop,….again. Oh well, I’ll have to drive the GTS this week.

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